


Let the Record Show

by OpheliasSong



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Can Men Be Raped?, Devin Grayson - Freeform, Devin Grayson Fanfiction, Devin Grayson Nightwing, Devin Grayson Nightwing Arc, Devin Grayson Run, Devin Grayson SMH, F/M, Female on Male Rape, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Male rape, Mens Rights, Nightwing #93, Non-Consenual Sex, Post-Canon, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, confronting a rapist, how it should have ended, nightwing 93, non consenual sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 16:04:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8898559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpheliasSong/pseuds/OpheliasSong
Summary: One year after facing the most difficult defeats of his life, Dick Grayson is forced to relive the event that toppled him hardest of all. With Blockbuster dead, Blüdhaven demolished, and his pride left in ruins, Nightwing is reminded that the very thing that empties you may be the only thing to make you whole. Based after the events of Nightwing #93 to provided closure to the infamous Devin Grayson arc.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Embleer_Frith0323](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Embleer_Frith0323/gifts).



> So as stated, this fic has been written to provide closure to the infamous arc brought about in Nightwing #93 in which (if you are unaware--so spoilers!!!) Nightwing is raped by Tarantula (Catalina) after the death of Blockbuster because, (if you think like Devin Grayson) why the fuck not, right? Thankfully for those of you reading this, I don't. But in any case, my friend (Embrlee Frith) and I have discussed this arc in-depth and thought it (aside from most untactful) very poorly handled. Which is a shame since there really were some good bones to discuss, not just about rape, but also male rape victims in our society and the aftermath that all victims of sexual assault survivors go through. However, as most of you are probably aware, DC and Devin Grayson sorta dropped that ball and refused to pic it back up. Though, to be fair, Ms. Grayson, being, well--Ms. Grayson, did try and clarify the scene by referring to it as "non-consensual sex" which is probably the most accurate example of an oxymoron one can bring to fruition, but that's a subject for another time. But given the sort of "mishandling" of the canon, I was commissioned by our lovely Ms. Frith to cover this subject matter and try and bring some closure to this event for both the reader and the character. 
> 
> I'd also like to apologize to anyone offended by my words of Ms. Grayson. I'm clearly not a fan of her work (as I’m sure I've made it very clear) I just think as a writer this subject matter deserved far more respect than it got and this is my attempt at providing that. 
> 
> So if you're still reading this, I'd like to thank you. Let me know what you think and let's see if we can put this ghost to rest now, shall we?

He sat in the corner of the crowded bar at a small table by the window. This was far from how he’d normally spend an evening, but tonight was far from a normal night. It had begun to rain over Gotham, the air thick with its scent. It almost smelled like blood—like _her_. He looked down at his half empty beer bottle, a little distressed that he was three drinks in, and the edge still wasn’t off.

Drinking was always something he avoided, something he looked at as unnecessary, but in the wake of the past year, he’d built something of a tolerance to it. It was all he could do to cope at times. He didn’t consider himself an alcoholic; he mostly only had a drink or two, but he still wasn’t proud of the fact it was something he _required_ now, that it was the only thing that came close to washing away that bitter taste.

It had been a year since he’d lost everything he’d worked so hard for. A year since he’d lost friends, his city, and thousands of innocent lives. But worst of all, he’d lost a significant piece of himself, and he blamed himself for all of it. All because of one night—all because of _her._

The thought of her was nearly enough to make him sick as he downed a sip of beer to try and flush her foul taste from his mouth. However, the cheap beer and whisky was not enough to drown out the bitterness—that rotten taste he could just never quite get off his tongue. It was like he’d unknowingly bitten into a spoiled piece of fruit, only to find that its sweetness was replaced with decay and maggots. He could still feel the invasive parasites crawl beneath his skin every now and then. At just the right moment, with just the right touch, or the right set of words. The feeling always left him feeling dirty, and no matter how hard he scrubbed or scratched, her touch would never wash off him. He’d wear her mark for the rest of his life.

What was worse was that he’d never told anyone about what had happened to him; he himself had a hard time believing its validity. In his mind, he tried to tell himself that what he thought happened was nothing of the sort. That the trauma of watching a man die was the reason for his physical and mental discord. Or at least that was what _she’d_ told him it was.

Still, it never mattered how many times he tried to talk himself down, or how many times he tried to tell himself that what happened, hadn’t happened at all. He could still never get that bloody taste out his mouth.

“I’d would have never pegged you as the _drinking alone_ type,” he heard a familiar voice say.

He looked up to find a single blue eye staring down at him, her lily-white hair draped around her black leather jacket.

“Rose,” he said in a genuine shock, “what are you doing here? Why aren’t you with the Titans?”

“Yeah, about that,” she said, taking a seat next to him, “that wasn’t exactly hooking up. So I’m currently between jobs right now.”

“Well, what are you doing here?” he asked, entertaining some guilt that she’d gone out on her own. He was after all her _mentor._

She shrugged somberly. “Well, I just found out that the closest thing I had to a best friend died…”

“Eddie…” he said ruefully, recalling that Tim recounted the incident, but he hadn’t mentioned that Rose left the team. “I’m sorry.”

She gave him a weak smile and stole a sip of his beer. “Don’t be. Eddie died a hero, and in my book, he couldn’t have gone out like more of a badass.” She paused a moment, clearly remembering her friend. If anything, she was sad for herself, but refused to admit it. A lot like him.

“But with that being said,” she added, “I’m here to drink my feelings and have a meaningless hookup… Care to help a girl out, Grayson?”

She smiled at him coyly. He’d like to have thought she was joking, but he knew she wasn’t. If Rose Wilson was anything, she was brutally honest, and he respected that.

“I can help you with the first half of your missions of self-destruction, but you’re on your own with the latter.”

“Eh, it was worth a shot,” she shrugged, “but it’s your loss.”

“Somehow I’ll live.”

Sadly enough, part of him wanted to take her up on her offer. The idea of losing himself in another for a few hours was a tempting way to momentarily ease him of his current torment. However, he knew once the sheets were dirtied and the sweat was dried, he’d be right back where he began. Rose was also a little too young for him, and he didn’t feel like adding statutory to his already stained morality. Though it seemed to be the least of her worries. But if nothing else, she’d make good company for his misery.

He ordered her a drink, mostly because he knew that if he didn't, she'd find someone else who would. And he'd have much rather been the man feeding her alcohol than one of the many seedy low-lives who'd jump at the chance to hinder the autonomy of  a pretty 17-year-old girl. Not that Dick worried about Rose's ability to taking care of herself. He knew she was more than capable, but if breaking one rule prevented her from making a horrible mistake, then he didn’t see the harm in it.

The two sipped their beers and talked about their losses and gains. Though somehow they felt their losses were what made them who they were.

Dick took notice at how much Rose had matured, she’d oddly grown up a lot in the past year. She was still very much the same, hot-headed and unpredictable, but she'd begun to understand how to use those things to her advantage. Dick couldn't help but feel a sense of pride. At least he'd done something right.

They both finished their drinks, and when Dick glanced up to the bar to get a second round, he froze.

_It’s never gonna stop..._

Rose noticed his sudden shift, his face paused, his eyes staring blankly ahead.

"You okay?"

He snapped out of it and looked at her. "I have to go."

He took out his wallet and threw a couple bills down on the table, hurrying himself to leave. But it was too, she saw him.

She stood at the bar, waiting for the bartender to fix her drink. She looked like she were dressed for a funeral, as though she were burying her third husband. Her black dress was low, showing off the prominent curves of her breasts, her lips painted red, like they were stained with his blood. But it didn't matter how pretty she looked. For beneath that low black dress and behind that lipstick smile she flashed at him, he could see just how ugly she was.

Suddenly it was like the world stopped turning and the ground fell from beneath his feet. He was back in that moment again, like the scar had been ripped open with a dull knife, the blade delving deep into his dignity.

_It's never gonna stop..._

"Dick?" He could hear Rose’s voice, like she was 100 miles away. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know..."

He took off, practically running out the door, pushing past the crowd of people until he was out in the rain. It was as though he couldn't breathe, like his lungs had filled with a toxic smoke, smothering him in a distant moment he just couldn't shake.  He could feel the rain hitting his face, a sensation he'd once found clean and refreshing, only now it felt like an affliction, like cancer burning into his skin.

Rose had immediately run after him, knowing something was deeply amiss.

"Dick! Dick, wait!" Rose called, her platinum hair looking grey beneath the foggy rain. "Are you okay—what happened?"

He didn't stop, he just kept moving, not sure what to say. "I just need to go home, Rose."

It was a terrible excuse, but it was the best he could come up with. Plus, what could he really say? He couldn't even admit the truth to himself, never mind a teenage girl who held him in such high standing.

"It's okay, you can tell me," she urged, but he still wouldn't stop. "It was that girl, wasn't it?"

He stopped. The rain beating down on him like it had in that flash of memory.

"She did something to you, didn't she?"

He turned, at a loss, not even sure what to say, but before he could speak, he saw her again.

She'd stepped out of the bar, just under the overhang, looking out at him. He stared at her for a minute, part of him wanting to show her how badly he hurt, and the other too afraid to even look her in the eye. For a moment he thought she'd try and approach him, but she didn't, and at first, he couldn't understand why. Then it hit him. And no, it had nothing to do with melting Wicked Witch of the West style.

_Rose..._

She had now locked her eyes on the woman beneath the overhang, keeping herself from the damp air.

Dick wasn't sure what would come next. Part of him wondered if Rose would, well, pull _a Rose_ and throw a right hook at Catalina's face. Or if Catalina would say something in an attempt to dismiss the younger girl. Something he knew wouldn't go over well.

However, Rose surprised him. She turned her scowling face away from the woman in black and walked toward Dick.

"Come on," she said over the rain. "This place will let _anyone_ in, we're better off at your place."

The whole speech was a jab at Catalina. She didn't need her mentor to tell her anything, she already knew. Like she could smell that primal fear radiating off him, and there was just something about the way that woman looked at him. There was predatory quality about it, something hungry and self-satisfying she just couldn't overlook.  

She took him by the arm and led him away, the rain still pouring down around them. Dick could still feel her eyes on him, a feeling of shame ricocheting down his spine as he was whisked away by his own protégé, the old one merely watching as she did so. He’d faced murderous madmen, violent Metahumans, and bloodthirsty demons, but to him, a simple _human woman_ was the greatest monster of all. A woman he could have easily overpowered, yet somehow couldn’t. The thought left a deep wound in his masculinity, like he failed as a man, like maybe he’d _let it_ _happen_. These poisonous thoughts were something he'd become accustomed to ever since Catalina had taken matters into her own hands.

By the time they made it back to Dick's apartment, they were both soaked to the bone. He could feel the filthy rain collecting along his jaw and dripping heavily from his chin as he unlocked the door. Rose noticed his hands were shaking and he cursed at himself as he struggled to steady them. He finally got the key into the lock and turned it, looking around before entering the safety of his home. They entered the reasonably sized studio apartment, and Dick flicked on the light. He closed the door behind them, locking the knob, deadbolt, and key chain. Rose, of course, thought it was a bit overkill, but given his reaction to the woman at the bar, she'd have done the same thing.

"She's really got you on edge," Rose said, pulling off her soggy coat. "Who is she?"

"No one."

"Well, then she's a whole lot of _no one_." Rose grimaced. "What do you think she wants?"

He looked up at her. He hadn't really thought of that. It had been a year since he'd seen her last, since he just walked away and never looked back. She got what she wanted, why would she come back now?

"Fuck," he huffed blankly and sat down. His mind digging up an old thought he'd once had, one he prayed wouldn't come to fruition.

Rose could see the lost look in his eyes and the disparity quaking in the space where his heart used to be. This was nothing new to her. Whatever he lost, he'd lost it before they’d met. Only now she was beginning to understand what _that_ was. She could now see just where that jaded and cynical nature came from, exactly what cracks left him shattered. Unlike many, she was actually about to see exactly what slipped through those cracks, exactly what had been taken away from him.

"I take it whatever she did to you, you're not over it?"

He looked at her with an ill expression and ran his hand through the fringe of his damp hair. "I don't know if I’ll ever be over it," he said ruefully. That was the closest he'd ever come to admitting it, to saying it aloud.

Rose looked down, that was all she needed to hear. He didn't need to say more.

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

He glanced up at her and smiled, both at a loss and for the fact that she didn't laugh at him, that she didn't seem to judge him for it. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he admitted. “Somedays I can live it, then come days like this, where I can barely get my shit together.”

She could understand that feeling, knowing how it felt to want to shed the scars that bind you, only you can’t help but be who they’ve made you.

"You can talk about it if you want.”

“Thanks,” he said, and smiled falsely, “but talking about it is something I’m still not quite able to do.” He took a deep breath and looked down at his hands, like it were they that had betrayed him. “I just don’t understand it completely. And honestly, I just wanna forget it ever happened.”

“But your body won’t let you.”

He nodded, almost feeling like he had to vomit. He had to change the subject. “Sorry I ruined your night.”

Rose smiled and shrugged nonchalantly. “No big deal, you probably saved me from making a poor life choice.”

“That’s probably true,” he conceded with a nod.

“Yeah, seriously. Once my brain tastes alcohol it’s like _it’s go time! Let’s make some fucking mistakes!”_

Dick shook his head, well aware that Rose Wilson and alcohol were not meant to be in good company with each other. That girl could do a whole a lot of damage and end up with one hell of a hangover.

“But hey, now I can technically say I went home with _Nightwing._ I got braggin’ rights now.”

He shook his head at her shit-eating grin, realizing she’d probably use that to _piss off daddy_. It would also do little for either of their dwindling reputations, but he had bigger problems to worry about.

“I know you don’t wanna talk about it, but I get the feeling you think she found you,” Rose said. “Is she capable of that?”

Unfortunately enough, she was. She was an ex-FBI agent, after all. She probably knew exactly where he was this entire time and he never even thought to look behind him. But truth be told, he didn’t want to know. It was easier if he didn’t go looking for her in every shadow that haunted every corner.

“Yeah.”

“Do you think she’s been following you?”

He didn’t want to think that either, but he wouldn’t put it past her. “Yeah, and it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Jesus.” Rose scowled. “When was the last time you saw her?”

“A year ago.”

“So what’s she doing, slinking up from Hell for some fresh air, thinking she’d just drop by, say hello?”

Dick grimaced. “I’m honestly really afraid to find out…” The look on his face hardened, consequence tying his tongue.

“Oh…” She paused a minute, thinking about how devastating that would be. To have something so heavy thrust upon you; forever tied to the person who’d already taken so much. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, and I really hate to say this, but there’s no way she’d look like _that_ if she’d dropped a fucking kid like three months ago.”

Dick looked up at her. Only Rose would say something like that.

“I mean her tits would be like on the floor,” she added crassly. “She could take a fucking eye out with those puppies, and I should know.”

He glared at her, not sure whether to scowl or laugh. On one hand, her banter was oddly amusing, and on the other, he had a really hard time accepting humor in that moment. But maybe that was his problem.

“Rose, I know you’re just trying to help, but if you could stop talking about how hot Catalina is, that would be great.”

“Hey, I never said that walking gash was hot, I just said her fucking boobs could have their own gravitational pull,” she corrected. “Life’s not fucking fair, man.”

“Yeah, it’s not,” Dick accorded coldly, and he couldn’t have agreed more.

His life had literally become one horrible montage of one bad thing after the next, and it all started the second _she_ showed up. In the beginning, he actually felt guilty for feeling that way, like it was somehow unfair of him to blame her for things that came of his own volition. But with time, it simply just became part of his coping mechanism. Catalina equaled death, devastation and rape, and he just couldn’t see past that. He liked to think if he’d just never met her, or if he’d just thrown her ass in jail when he had the chance, then he could have avoided that pivotal moment. That nobody would have died, and that Blüdhaven would still be standing today.

What was worse, and the thing that ate at him the most, was that he’d willingly invited her into his life. He’d delivered himself like some naive lamb to slaughter because he’d actually once felt sorry for her. That’s what it had always come down to. She had a shitty life, it wasn’t her fault. If he had just been a better man, or a _better mentor_ , she wouldn’t have turned out like that. But she was still stained in his blood and the blood of others, and he couldn’t do shit about it. Catalina was literally like a flesh-eating bacteria to him.

“You’ve never actually confronted her, have you?” Rose asked, once again pulling him into the now.

He sighed and shook his head. “Not really—no. There was so much going on after it happened and I was still kinda in shock. She told me I wasn’t thinking straight and that the trauma I’d experienced made me look at it that way. I believed her because I wanted to, but as the shock wore off and I began to see how far she’d burrowed into my life… I knew I was right.”

He seethed a moment, that foul metallic taste overcoming his mouth.

“She was literally taking over my life, acting like she’d done nothing wrong—acting like she _belonged._ I couldn’t take it, so I left.”

“That’s when you started mentoring me…” Rose said, having a rough idea of the timeline.

Dick looked up, it really was ironic. He’d been so badly burned by one protégé, and the other was the only thing keeping him from crawling out of skin.

“Yeah, you turned out fine, though.”

“Yeah, because of you,” Rose urged. She owed him everything. Without Dick Grayson, who knew where she’d be. “Without you, I could never be a hero.”

He looked at her fondly, but he knew she didn’t feel like one. He didn’t feel like one, either.

“Y’know,” Rose began, “sometimes you gotta take your pound of flesh and just walk away.”

“I’m really not one for revenge, Rose.”

“I saw the way you looked at her, Dick,” she said, sitting next to him, “like if you could kill her and get away with it, you would.”

He didn’t say anything, but that was exactly how he felt, only he knew it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t fix him.

He rose from the couch and walked to a drawer, he opened it and took out an old shirt, throwing it over to Rose.

“You should change out of those wet clothes. There’s a laundry room downstairs if you wanna throw your stuff in the drier.”

She caught the shirt and nodded. “Yeah, there’s no way in Hell I’m leaving you alone tonight. Not with Psycho Bitch on the prowl.”

He smiled. “Wanna order a pizza?”

“You paying?”

After that, the two talked about why Rose left the Titans, and why she felt she didn’t she really fit there. They talked about Eddie, and how Rose had asked him to leave with her. That was a little painful.   

Rose asked how things with Barbara were going (they were supposed to get married, after all.) However, the answer was nowhere. Apparently Dick was having a hard time functioning in the relationship, specifically because Barbara was always so micro-focused on everything he did wrong. From what she understood, that was nothing new. Barbara had a reputation for being a little unforgiving, especially when it came to Dick. And Rose could totally understand why he didn’t feel comfortable opening up to her about what he’d been through. She’d probably think he were exaggerating, or scold him for being too trusting with Catalina in the first place.

He apparently tried his hand at a few other relationships, but nothing really seemed to fit. Everything just seemed uncomfortable, and in some cases, much like with Barb, they just didn’t have the patience for his newfound affliction.

His concept of touch was altered, and not the violent sort, the intimate kind. Little gestures made his stomach sink, especially if he wasn’t expecting them. There were times when a woman he was deathly attracted to would lean in, and he’d pull away without a second thought. It had just become instinct. Even something as simple and comforting as a hug had become a perversion of itself. He hated how things of such simple kindness now held such rue and disdain. Things that once breathed of love and strength were now among the things he feared most. It was like the ties to his humanity were cut.

Dick looked at the time to find the hour was far beyond late, and he was beginning to feel it as well.

“I think I’m gonna turn in,” he said. “You can take the bed.”

Rose shook her head. “No, I’m good with the couch. Unless, you wanna share the bed with me,” she said.

“No offense,” Dick said, and smiled, “but I’d rather take the couch. Nice try, though.”

“What can I say, I’m not a quitter.”

“And I admire that, but you’re off-limits.”

She smirked at him, as if his comment gave her some vague validation. “Yeah, but if you change your mind, the offer’s still on the table,” she added mischievously. “But for real, I’ll take the couch. You’re much taller than me, it’s not really fair to make you sleep on it.”

“You’re not making me, I’m offering.”

“And much like my offer, I’m not taking yours.”

“Okay, then,” Dick said, picking up a pillow. “Oh, and Rose…”

She turned and looked over at him questionably.

“If you pull that shit you pulled on Tim, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

He threw the pillow at her and she smiled, actually looking a little embarrassed.

“Um, I plead the fifth,” she replied, catching it. “But, I will say that I was absolutely shit-canned that night and my crowning achievement of the evening was that I didn’t die.”

“Sounds like you made some _fucking mistakes.”_

“Oh, you know it.”

“Night, Rose,” he said, crawling into bed.

“Night, Deathwing.”

He rolled his eyes. “I hate that name.”

“I know.”

He didn’t get much sleep that night, his body desperately aching to shut itself off, but his mind would not allow it. He lay in bed, just staring at the ceiling, shuffling through the thoughts and fears—the losses, wondering if there was anything gained through any of it, but he just couldn’t seem to find anything.

Rose was fast asleep, curled up in a ball on the couch. He took a deep breath, both out of loss and boredom.

He couldn’t help but wonder where _she_ was then, where’d she’d been. If she’d been there this entire time, and he just hadn’t seen her until now. What did that say if she had?

He finally found the word that he’d been searching for. The word that best described the vile taste in his mouth. The one that brought validation to the feeling he’d been struck with when he’d noticed her dressed all in black.

“Violated,” he whispered into the darkness. That’s how he felt—how he’d felt ever since the moment she’d touched him. Everything she’d done after that, and even before, was a violation of his life, his morality, his body and above all—his sanity.

He wondered if she’d even seen it that way. If there was one thing wrong with Catalina, it was her moral compass, but he couldn’t see that as an excuse any longer. He couldn’t accept that she just didn’t know any better. If anything, that made it _worse._

When the morning finally came, Dick had managed to snag a few meager hours of sleep, but it was better than nothing. He got up, showered, and made some coffee, the smell rousing Rose from what he could only describe as a near coma.

_Lucky little bitch._

She stretched out on the couch like a lazy house cat who wanted her belly rubbed, but she wasn’t so lucky.

“It lives,” Dick said, bringing her a cup of much-needed coffee.

She smiled tiredly, sleep fresh in her eye. “Yeah, there were a few hours there where my soul was like, _I should probably go_ …”

“Well, then consider this coffee the rejection notice to your DNR.”

She took the mug and thanked him, taking a generous sip.

“So where you off to from here?” he asked, heading back behind the counter.

She shrugged. “Not sure yet. I’ll probably just wander around until something sticks.”

“And what if it doesn’t?”

“Then I’ll revise the game plan,” she replied flatly. “Or maybe retire to Florida and die.”

“You’re kinda young for that,” he laughed.

“When has age ever stopped me?”

He raised a brow. “Good point.”

“What about you?” she asked. “What’s next for _Nightwing?_ ”

“Breakfast.” He took a carton of eggs from the fridge and a package of bacon. “You like bacon, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” she replied, stretching again. “Anyone who doesn’t can’t be trusted.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Eggs scrambled?”

“Sure,” she laughed, rising from the couch and leaning against the counter.

He noticed the shit eating grin on her face, he had to ask. “What’s so funny?”

“Um, I’m wearing your shirt and you’re making me breakfast, and the best part is, I didn’t even have to blow you.”

_God, she has no filter,_ he thought. If that was her way of flirting, then at least one would always know where they stood with her.

“Well, I hate to ruin your little school girl fantasy, but would you mind beating the eggs?” he said, handing her a bowl and a whisk.

She smirked and opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off at the pass. “And do not say what I know you’re about to say.”

“Oh you’re no fun—I’m only kidding.”

He laughed. “Rose, we both know you’re _not_ kidding.”

She smiled coyly. “Guilty, but what do you want from me? At least I’m fun—unlike Kara. Now that girl’s got a serious problem. You should see her Pinterest page. It’s fucking creepy, but so is Cassie’s…”

“I don’t even understand what Pinterest is.”

“Keep it that way, I wish I had. Girls get uber creepy on Pinterest.” Rose paused a moment. “Speaking of creepy. I can only imagine what Cuntberry’s Pinterest page looks like.”

“Now I’m really happy I don’t know what Pinterest is.”

They went on to make breakfast and eat, continuing their banter, going on about old teammates and who was where. Dick offered to clean up while Rose took a shower, not that she needed an excuse to skip out on the cleanup. When she was done, she got dressed and ready to head out.

“You need anything,” he asked, walking her out of the building, “like money or—”

“Thanks,” she said, cutting him off, “but I’m good. Plus with a face like this, free alcohol won’t be in short supply.”

“I meant like... for food and a place to stay.” He scowled playfully.

“I’m fine, my mom left me some money. So I’ll be good until I figure out what the hell I’m doing.”

“Well, I think you should go back to school.”

“I have my GED, that’s fine.”

“A degree would better,” he replied, pushing the door open. “You’re a smart girl, it would be a shame to waste that.”

“That coming from the boy who dropped out of Hudson University and became a cop.”

“Hey, I got great benefits with that job.”

“Yeah, ’cause being a trust fund brat doesn’t pay, right?”

He pushed her playfully, and she punched his arm. “Ah,” he whimpered, forgetting how strong she was. “So violent.”

“Like you can’t take it,” she said, stepping out on the sidewalk. “So I guess this is me…”

He shrugged looking back at her and stepped out the door. “So where you staying?”

“Shitty motel, other side of town.”

“Sounds swanky.”

“It’s kinda charming… if you like crime scene tape, the smell of burnt cigarette ash and a gratuitous amount of prostitution.”

“Sounds a lot like your childhood.”

She burst out laughing. “Sadly true. Lord only knows the damage I’ve suffered at the hand of my parents.”

He smiled, reaching into his pocket, and took something out. “Here,” he said, holding a pre-pay phone. “My number’s already programmed in it. If you need _anything,_ let me know.”

She smiled gratefully and took the device. “Does that also include—” she began mischievously, until Dick stopped her.

“3am booty calls—no.”

“Damn,” she sighed. “Worth a shot though. And thank you… for putting up with me and my nonsense.”

“Well, your nonsense actually helped me get through a pretty tough night so… thank you.”

“Well, if you need anything, I’ll probably be around later.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He smiled.

She began to turn, but stopped and turned back to him. “Y’know how you’re always telling me  to not be so hard on myself and that I shouldn’t dwelling on the past because I can’t change it and all that shit?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, vaguely.”

“You should do the same,” she replied. “You can’t change what happened, but you can be stronger for it.”

He looked at her a moment. She may not have been without her faults, but she really did possess a heart of gold. And he couldn’t have been prouder of her.

He pulled her into a hug, slightly taking the girl by surprise, but she quickly relaxed into it.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “It’s nice to know I did something right.”

She smiled against his shoulder. “You saw the good in me when I couldn’t, I thought you deserved the same,” she said, then finally pulled away. “Well this has officially gotten far too sappy for my liking. I’m off like a prom dress, Grayson.”

“Bye, Rose!” He waved. “And be good!”

A smug expression fixed on her face. “I can make no such promise,” she droned, “but for you, I’ll try…”

He watched her leave, hoping she, too, would find her place in the world. It would be a shame if she didn’t. When she was gone, he turned to go back upstairs when a thought crossed his mind. A thought that raised the hair on the back of his neck. He looked around, it was like he could feel _her_ , like he knew she was there, but he just couldn’t see her.

_I’m just being paranoid,_ he thought. _I need to stop thinking about this._

He grudgingly shook off the feeling and heading back into his building. When he reached his apartment, he dug into his pocket, and his heart dropped.

“Damn it,” he hissed, realizing he’d misplaced his key.

It wasn’t really that big of a deal, he was more than capable of breaking into his own apartment. He just didn’t really feel like doing it. He looked around, and noticed an old bobby pin lying on the floor, not far from where he stood.

“Perfect.”

He picked up the pin and bent it back, he’d have the lock picked in no time. He placed his hand on the knob and inserted the pin, but before he could go to work on the lock, he realized the door was unlocked.

He froze. “No, it can’t be…”

He turned the knob with an unsteady hand and slowly pushed the door open. He peeked his head in, looking around to see if anyone was there. He finally found the nerve to step inside. Part of him actually contemplating calling Rose and asking her to come back.

_Fucking man up, Grayson_ , he thought, silently scolding himself, especially since a year prior this would have been nothing to him.

He looked around, nothing seemed to have be touched or out of place, everything was just the way he’d left it… except for one thing.

His eyes fell on his pillow, there was something lying there, something that just didn’t belong. He approached his bed, slowly, readying himself for anything that come his way in that moment. Deep down, he hoped he was just over-exaggerating, that maybe Rose had left it there for him. But any hope of that was dashed when he peered down at the envelope and saw _her_ handwriting, scratched across the white paper in red.

_Mi Amor,_ it read as he picked it up, a vile mix of anger, fear, disgust and bitterness pressing into his flesh as he held it.

_She was here…_

His knees buckled and he collapsed, too overcome by the thought that she’d been in his home. That she could, and did, actually take that security away from him. How could she? Did she actually think this tactic was romantic? Or was this simply just a power play? How long had she been waiting for him to leave? She had to have been watching him.

He felt sick and threw the letter down, scrambling for the waste basket, his body violently purging the contents of his stomach. He dry heaved a few times, his breath tight, his heart pounding in his throat. His face was hot, everything was hot.

He tried to focus, and pull himself out his current state of duress. “Think of something else…”

But he couldn’t. And the truth was, that was what she wanted. She didn’t want any other thought to cross his mind, she wanted that space for herself. She wanted to consume him.

He sat there a while, forgetting about time, his mind just completely racing until it finally grew numb. Everything went numb.

He resented it—feeling like a victim, but he was one, and he hated her for it.  He hated how weak he’d become and how easily he crumbled at the mere thought of her. He hated that she’d infiltrated him and festered in his mind. That she was the source of such rotten memories, each one decaying as he slept, the infection spreading through his consciousness and destroying his sanity cell by cell.

He looked down at his hands, flashing back to an image that had burned itself in his mind, one that made him recoil. He could see her face through the billowing shadows and the silver flecks of rain, her eyes cast down on him. Through the still frames, his quaking hand reached up to stop her, but failed to do so, his objection falling on not a deaf, but a biased ear. He felt empty, like he’d died, his heart ceasing to beat, but somehow, he was left walking anyway. Like a cage with a dead bird inside.

Now, in that very hand, he held the letter, nearly forgetting it was there. He didn’t want to open it, he didn’t care what she had to say, or how she felt, or how fucking crazy she was. To him, it didn’t matter, she’d already taken too much. She could kill him for all he cared, at least then it’d be over.

He pulled himself together and tore the envelope open. He took out the piece of fine paper, a faint scent hitting him like a ghost he was far too familiar with. It was her perfume, an odious blend of mahogany and teakwood. It was slightly musky and wreaked of her cruel brand of femininity. The smell was enough to force his flesh to crawl, his hand aching as his eyes flashed with the loathsome image of her shadow in the rain.

He took a heavy breath and enfolded the note, the same red ink staining the purity of the pale page, his stony blue eyes growing grey as the storm rolled in.

_To my dearest Amor, Mi Tesoro,_

(And if that wasn’t enough to induce vomiting...)

_It’s been far too long, I know. My time away from you has been nothing but agonizing. I tried—I really did—to stay away like you asked me, but… I just couldn’t. And to be honest, if I could find a way to tether you to me so that you’d never leave me again—I would. No one could ever love you the way I do, or as much as I do, Mi Amor._

_As for the last time we saw each other, I forgive you. I know you were in a dark place then, and I’m hoping you’ll let me help to ease that pain. I would die for you, I hope you know that._

_I’m sorry to contact you like this, but I cannot stand the thought of you rejecting me in person—not again. I want to start over with you, I want things to be different between us. Please meet me tonight at the bar. After seeing you last night, I can’t wait any longer. I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t show… Please just give me this_ _one thing._

_If for whatever reason you decide not to show, just know I love you with my dying breath, and know I always will…_

_Todo Mi Amor, Catalina_

Her words read like sugar laced with cyanide, delusional and so far removed from the suffering she’d caused. Like she’d come back to rip what was left from his half-empty chest. The letter still hung in his hands, the red ink somehow disturbing to him. Granted, the whole gesture was disturbing to him. She’d violated his privacy, his home, his body, and written down every word of it as though it were love. And maybe it was, but it was definitely _not_ the _good kind._

He looked again at that last line, those deathly sweet words bring him back to one moment.

_It’s never gonna stop…_

And, _indeed,_ it was never going to stop.

He buried his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes, trapped in grief. He just didn’t know what to do. He tried running off, he tried sending her away. He’d literally had her locked up and had thrown away the key, and she still somehow managed to slither her way out of that. What could he do now?

He finally removed himself from the floor and made sure every window and door was locked up tight. He immediately ripped off all his clothes and took another shower in a feverish, angry fashion, the water so hot it nearly blistered his skin, and remained that way until it finally ran numbingly cold. But he still felt dirty.

He got out of the shower and looked at his worn face in the mirror. He felt as though he’d aged about a thousand years, yet he was trapped in the body of a twenty-something year-old man. A shell of who he used to be. That foul taste still sat in his mouth, mixing with the sick taste of bile. If only she were like old gum to him, momentarily sweet, but tasteless, something he could spit out and forget. He did his best to brush away the putrid flavor, but like so many nights he’d endured, he just couldn’t rid himself of her aftertaste.

He didn’t bother getting dressed, he just crawled into bed and lay there, wishing he could sleep, but such a mercy was not granted to him. As the hours passed, he thought about the yesterdays, the long sleepless nights, the following days after Blockbuster’s death and what came of it. Each frame passed by him like a fog, like ghosts without names, aimlessly moving through him. Their cold hands removing pieces of him and burying them beneath the floorboards where they’d lie forgotten, rotting.

After a few hours of silently wasting away, he looked at the time. It was a little after 5pm. He was hungry, but he didn’t really care, mostly because it didn’t matter what he ate, he’d still taste her.

His phone rang, startling him. He missed the days when he wasn’t so jumpy. Now if someone so much touched him, his skin would crawl. He didn’t want to bother getting it, but knew if he didn’t, it might raise some concerns on the other end. He just hoped it wasn’t anything important.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” he heard Rose say, “whatcha up to?”

_Lying in bed contemplating killing myself._ “Nothing, thinking about making dinner. You?”

“Eating dinner, and binge-watching _Dexter._ ”

“That sounds… like a weird combo…”

“Yeah, this show makes me hungry, as do most things really.”

Dick shook his head. She really did take after her uncle Wade.

“So did you just call to tell me about how watching a serial killer dismember other serial killers makes you wanna polish off a second plate of ribs, or did you actually need something?”

She giggled a moment, but then got back to the matter at hand. “No, I was calling to see how you were. Y’know, that whole song and dance…”

He smiled vaguely, but felt guilty. He didn’t want to lie to her, but that was exactly what he was going to do.

“I’m fine, Rose. You don’t need to worry about me.” _You have enough to worry about…_

“You sound a little…” She paused, trying to find a delicate way to put it. “Y’know, like you’re thinking of going _down the street_ instead of _across_ it.” Well… delicate for her.

He sighed. “It’s not like that.”

It kind of was.

“Anything I miss?”

He looked down at the letter. “Nope, just still a little shaken from last night, that’s all.”

“Y’know, if you want me to, I can come over…”

Part of him really wanted the company, but the other part of him didn’t want to drag her in any deeper than she was. “I’m fine, Rose. I’m still trying to figure shit out.”

“I know,” she replied. “I just know how hard it is when the very thing that emptied you is out there and you know it.”

She may have been young, but she knew a lot about betrayal, abuse, and heartbreak. Though in Dick’s case, heartbreak wasn’t at all the right term. It was more like having his heart cut out.

“Do you think if I confronted her,” Dick asked cautiously, “it would be a bad idea?”

There was a pause from Rose’s end, and he could hear her breath hitch slightly. “No,” she finally began, “I think if that’s what you need to do, then you should do it.” There was conviction in her voice. She understood all too well. “But Dick…”

“Yeah.”

“If you do, just know that it will probably end badly. You don’t never know what you’re capable of when someone who’s hurt you that bad is right there in front t of you… You might not even know what she’s capable of.”

She wasn’t wrong. Dick could think of one particular moment where he’d come dangerously close to bludgeoning Catalina to death. His outburst frightened him. He’d never been that angry before, and the fact was, he wanted kill her.

_Maybe I shouldn’t go…_

“But I understand that maybe you need to face her, let her know what she did to you. Let her know what will happen if she ever tried to do that to you again…”

He took a deep breath, he’d never really gotten the closure he needed. He was too wrapped up in everything else. Not to mention, part of him was still in denial, trying forget it ever happened. But it didn’t matter how many times he told himself it was a simple “misunderstanding,” or how many times he tried to chalk it up to guilt, it still happened, and it happened to _him._

“So what do you have on the agenda tonight?”

He could hear Rose click her tongue, and she replied, “I was gonna polish off a third plate of ribs, but if you have a suggestion, I might be down…”

“I was thinking of getting a drink…”

* * *

 

A few more hours had passed. Dick had gotten dressed and finally left his apartment, which took more effort than he liked to admit. However, it helped to know that he wasn’t going into this situation blindly or alone.

The rain from the night before had dissipated, the air cool as the wind blew over his shoulder. The street was usually quiet for once. It was peaceful, but unnerving, much like the past year. Hopefully that meant something—something good.

Each step took a little more persuasion than the last, each muscle recalling the touch of her cold hands, the stink of the rain and emptiness that followed all of it. The only thing that drove him was the notion that this might just be _the end._ That whatever followed tonight was for the better, he just hoped, silently prayed it were true.

He finally approached the bar, and that uncomfortable feeling grew tighter in chest. It reminded him of how he felt after he’d lost his parents. The loss and uncertainty colliding together like the harsh winds and rains of a hurricane, leaving a lifetime of devastation in its wake.

He paused when he got to the door. Part of him wanted to turn away and just forget about the whole thing. However, he wasn’t sure what would happen in the fallout if he did. He took another deep breath, and pulled the door open. The bar wasn’t overly crowded, unlike the night before. The table by the window was open, and he sat himself down like he’d never left. He looked around, trying to get a better sense of his surroundings. Rose was already sitting in the back corner, polishing off what looked like a Mai Ti, the poor guy next to her probably striking out. She glanced over at Dick with a sly grin, and bit into the cherry left in the boozy remnants of her drink.

_Yeah, the poor bastard’s not getting very far with her._

Dick looked around. Catalina was nowhere to be found, and part of him hoped it would stay that way. But he knew he wouldn’t be so lucky, she’d show eventually, and if she didn’t, he didn’t even want know what would happen then.

A period of ten, then twenty minutes went by. Rose was already finishing her second drink and chewing through her second guy, while Dick hadn’t even taken a sip of his. He heard the door open and he looked up, a cold wash of fear running straight through his veins. _She_ looked over at him and smiled, disturbingly, as if nothing were amiss. Like she couldn’t even see that he was practically crawling out of his skin.

She went straight to the bar, happily flirting with the bartender who remembered her. He fixed her a glass of red wine and poured a few fingers of whisky. The whole time Dick glared at her, noticing her lip color was the same, her frame now covered in a form fitted black coat. He heard his phone vibrate, and quickly checked it.

_Rose: Something tells me Tits has your whole funeral planned out on Pinterest._

He shook his head and replied: _Seriously, she looks like she’s dressed for the occasion too!_

“What’s so funny?” he heard, and looked up. There she was.

She set down her wine and pulled out her chair, placing the whisky in front of Dick.

“I thought you could use this,” she said, pulling off her coat and sitting down.

“I think I’m good,” Dick replied, pushing it away. “I remember the last time I accepted a drink from you.”

She was still wearing black, this dress being little different from the last, but cut just as low and shamefully short. Once again, she looked like some rich trophy wife burying the husband she killed.

“So you do blame me for that?”

“You got me shit-faced and tried to make me marry you,” Dick scowled, “how is that not your fault?”

Catalina smiled as if nothing were wrong. “I didn’t come here to argue, Mi Amor, I—”

“DON’T, call me _that_ ,” Dick snapped angrily.

She glared at him, nearly speechless. “I’ve always called you that—”

“Well, I don’t want you to,” Dick growled. “I never did.”

“Like I said,” Catalina continued cautiously, “I didn’t come here to argue, I came here to talk.”

“You have five minutes and that’s _all_ you’re getting from me.”

She lifted her wine and fraughtly sipped it. “So I see you’re still upset with me.”

“You could call it that, yeah.”

“I thought giving you time would help, I guess I was wrong.” She peered down at the drink she’d bought him, still untouched. “You’re really not gonna drink that?”

“No,” Dick replied coldly, “I don’t want _anything_ from you.”

She looked back at him, insulted. “I didn’t know what I was doing then, okay? I was just as lost as you were.”

“Really, because it felt like you were leading the way. Leading me right off a damn cliff.”

“Because you let me,” she asserted. “You did the moment you got _out of my way.”_

His stare hardened, and for a moment, he almost saw red. “You bitch,” he hissed. “You still want me to believe that it was _my fault_ . You still want _me_ to feel guilty for what _you_ did.”

“I did what needed to be done.” She lifted her glass again. “I did what you couldn’t.”

“Because it was _wrong._ ”

“Sometimes a little wrong can serve a great right.” She smiled at him, like she didn’t feel anything. “I know you have a hard time seeing that, it’s why I did what I did. So you didn’t have to.”

“So what, you want me thank you?” Dick asked bitterly. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? Because if I thank you, then I own it, right?”

“No,” she replied with a chill, and placed her glass on the table. “I wanna know it was worth it.”

“I’ve given you enough, I’m not giving you that too.”

“You really believe that?” she asked, wounded.“You haven’t given me nearly what I’ve given you.”

Dick laughed patronizingly. “You’re a liar. The only thing you have ever done is take, Catalina. And I don’t know what else you want from me, but I have nothing left for you to take.”

Her face softened, but he wasn’t sure why. “I don’t know what you mean… but heartbreak can bring out the ugliness in all of us.”

He thought he was going to lose it.

“Heartbreak?” he questioned. “Fucking heartbreak!”

“Keep your voice down, people can hear yo—”

“No, Cat,” he declared, leering at her, “you didn’t break my heart, you ATE it. That way I could never get it back!”

She grimaced. “I don’t understand where this is coming from, Mi Amor. I would never intentionally hurt you like tha—”

His hand fell on the table with a slamming repercussion. “Then why did you fucking rape me, Cat?” Dick hissed, so that only Catalina could hear him.

Her brow creased as she leaned in. “What the hell…” She was speechless, a little taken back. “What are you even talking about? I would never do such a thing to you.”

“The rooftop, Cat! What, you don’t remember? Was me telling you _not to touch me_ just a minor, inconvenient detail to you?”

“We went over this,” she reasoned, hushed, “you were in shock, you didn’t know what you were saying—”

“Then why the hell would you think it’d be a good idea to fuck me then?”

“There is no need to be vulgar. I—”

“Vulgar,” Dick laughed. “I’m sorry my choice of words is making you uncomfortable—I mean you raped me, so I guess I owe you some sense of decency, right?”

“Stop saying that—it didn’t happen like that.”

“Yes, it did,” he insisted. “You fucking raped me and you do it _every time_ you sit there and act as if you’re entitled to a part of me—to a part of _my life_. Or when you act like it’s me—like I’m the one with the problem!”

“Because all I’ve ever done is love you and you’ve given me nothing!” she spat, her face beaming red.

“So you fucking took it, you bitch,” he seethed, his voice poisonous.

“You never appreciated anything I did for you,” she hissed. “I almost spent my entire life behind bars for you!”

“For what _you_ did, in my name,” Dick corrected. “How the fuck do you think that makes me feel?”

“Loved,” she replied with a warning, like it were some end all-be all. “I did it because _I love you,_ because _I_ saw how much you needed me, how much you _needed me_ to do that _for you_ . And _you_ _let me._ Tell me that isn’t _love_.”

He was honestly frightened. He could see that deep in her eyes she believed what she as saying. That she thought by killing Blockbuster, it would make him love her, but it didn’t. It only pushed him away, and she couldn’t let go of that.

“You need help.”

“I need you,” she countered. “I love you more than anything, and I can’t live without you.”

“Is that supposed to scare me?” Dick asked. “Because I’m not falling for it, not this time.”

“So what? Blockbuster’s death is a stain on your conscience, but my life, what—not so much?”

Dick looked away from her, he knew she would probably play this card. The truth was, he would care if she did something to hurt herself, especially to spite him—it terrified him, in fact. But if he played into it, she’d win, and he’d never be free of her.

“No, of course I’d care, but if you really loved me, you wouldn’t leave me with that guilt. That would destroy me, and _you know_ that. How is that love?”

He could see her blood practically boiling, he had her cornered, she wasn’t getting out of this one.

Lucky for her, she didn’t have to. The bartender approached them, standing behind Cat and looking at Dick as if _he_ were the bad guy.

“If there’s a problem here, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” he said, obviously addressing Dick.

He looked over to the man, he was just doing what he thought was right, _rescuing the damsel._ Dick would have done the same if he didn’t know any better. But still, it made him sick that everyone would assume _she_ was the victim—that she actually thought and acted like the victim.

Dick pushed out his chair when Catalina turned and raised her hand.

“There’s no problem here,” she said calmly, “this is just a simple _misunderstanding_.”

She looked over at Dick, she wanted him to agree. Only he wasn’t interested in doing what she wanted—not anymore.

“It’s okay,” he said, letting his eyes drift down to Catalina, “I was getting ready to leave, anyway.”

The Bartender looked over at Dick as though he were one lucky son of a bitch, and smiled at the Catalina. “Well if you need _anything,_ just let me know.”

_Yeah, wait till she bites_ your _apple, hero,_ Dick thought a little bitterly as the man walked back over to the bar, his eyes still trained on Dick like a hawk.

Dick began to rise from the table, but the black widow protested. “We’re not done here.”

Dick looked back at her warningly. “I am.”

She sneered from across the table and stood up as if to block his exit.

“Well—I’m—not.”

Dick looked back at her, a little intimidated, not so much for the fact that she was standing in his way, but for the fact that if he even touched her he’d probably get his ass thrown in jail. He peered over her shoulder to see Rose stand up, ready to kick “Tits” into next Tuesday if need be. Dick looked back at her, visually telling her to stand down. He couldn’t allow her to take the fall for him—as much as she wanted to.

Catalina noticed his line of sight and looked behind her, a thick scowl casting over any beauty left on her face. She trained her sight back on Dick, the scowl taking on a mocking expression.

“What? Not man enough to face me without your little _pet_? Nice, Dick.”

Like she had any right to talk about pride or strength. She didn’t know the first thing about being strong or brave. He needed to let her know that.

“You’re the one who’s jealous of a 17-year-old girl, but if you really must know, she replaced you, and she’s ten times the hero you could ever dream of being, Catalina. You’ll never be anything to anyone.”

Out of anything he said, that seemed to hit her the hardest, but he wasn’t sure why. Was it because he’d replaced her, or was it because he valued the replacement more than her? Or was it because he took away her validation as a hero?

She looked down bitterly, and made a fist. “Fine,” she growled, “if that’s how you feel, fine! But this isn’t over…”

He didn’t like the way she said that, but regardless, he let her continue.

“…Not by a long shot. So when you’re done playing with _little girls_ , I’ll be waiting.”

She leaned in as if she were going to kiss him, his lips hardened and cold, but she only smiled mockingly, hoping whatever stains she’d left on his soul would fester one last time. She placed her fist in his hand, her smirk deepening, feeling him writhe at the contact, but he still held his ground. He felt a small piece of paper fall into his palm and she closed his fist around it, hold her hands around his. He knew she was aware that he could do nothing, that’s why she was doing it. He leered at her with a burning hatred, but that was all he could do. _For now._

“Until then, Mi Amor.”

He watched her walk out of the door, the bartender still glaring at him. He wanted him out, and Dick was happy to oblige.

Rose finally moved from her corner, trying to mask the fact she was nervous for him, but covered it smugly.

“Ready to go?” she asked, and he nodded.

Within moments, the two were nearly out the door, but not before one last outburst.

“Wait,” the frat boy who’d bought Rose a few drinks said, “you’re going home with him? He didn’t even buy you a drink!”

Rose looked back at the guy like he were wearing a helmet or something. “Yeah, last time I checked, buying a girl a few drinks was about as binding as a pinky swear. Stop acting like you bought me a lobster.”

Dick shrugged at the guy, as did the bartender. Yeah, it sucked, but hey, home girl owed him nothing.

“Ready to go, Rose?”

“Like a prom dress.”

And with a roll of the bartender’s eye, they left.

They walked outside, the wind blowing a little harsher now. The sky above was clear, the stars managing to shine over the cityscape despite its dull radiance lifting into the air.

Dick admittedly felt a little freer, like some of the weight he’d been shouldering was alleviated, the space in his chest aching less. He’d said everything he needed to say to her, even if she wouldn’t own up to any of it. He wasn’t stupid, he knew she’d never acknowledge her wrongdoings, but it would have helped if she had. He may have even held some hope for her, but he knew now he should have never placed such a fragile thing in her hands to begin with.

“So was it worth it?” Rose finally asked, uncertainty bleeding from her eye.

Dick took a breath and nodded. “Yeah, I’m not fixed, but I’m better. And that’s a good start.”

Rose smiled weakly at him, she knew what it was like to feel that way. Just always short of whole.

“Yeah, it gets better with time.”

Dick shuddered at the thought. Time was something that had become unbearable to him, to think it could actually help mend his wounds, seemed a little deceptive.

“I hope you’re right.” He walked over to her and placed his hand on her shoulder blade, guiding her down the street. “Thanks again. I don’t know if I could have faced her without someone I trusted to back me up.”

Rose smiled coyly. “You trust me?”

“Yeah,” Dick said, and looked at her oddly. “I wouldn’t have pushed for you to be a Titan if I didn’t. What makes you think I don’t?”

Her eyes fell on the ground. “‘Cause no one really does. Eddie did, but he’s gone now. You just never really said it, so… I don’t know—I guess I wouldn’t have blamed you if you didn’t…”

He stopped and turned to face her. “Trust is something that you shouldn’t have to say out loud, Rose, it’s just something you just feel. I trust you because at the end of the day you wear your heart on your sleeve and you don’t bullshit anyone. I know you think you’re not a good person, but you are, and deep down, you just want people to see that. You’re a hero because you want to be a better person, and when you help people, you do it because it’s right, not because you’re looking for a favor, or to be favored.”

“That’s because you haven’t received my bill yet, Grayson. You’ve racked up quite the tab, too,” she joked, trying to get the focus off of her. “I’m kidding, by the way.”

“I know. Humor is how you deal with crazy shit, it’s that or anger. I’m glad you’re turning to the former.”

“I learned that from you,” she said softly. “I saw how much you were hurting, yet you still found a way to make light of everything. I thought I’d give it a try.”

“I’m glad you did.”

They reached her Harley and she turned to her mentor with a sentimental half-smile. “Well, it’s been real, but like every great adventure, my time here has come to an end.”

“Yeah, I’m really gonna miss you. I’m shocked you haven’t made a sexual innuendo all night.”

“Well, it didn’t seem appropriate given the circumstances, but, I found out the age of consent is 16 in the state of New Jersey… So y’know, if you wanna make out with me before I ride off into the horizon, I’d be cool with that.”

Dick smiled and shook his head. “I’m aware what the legal age of consent is, and no, no offense.”

“You and your morality, Grayson,” she said, picking up her helmet. “Maybe I’ll have more luck with your brother.”

“My brother?”

“You know, the guy with red helmet, what’s his name?”

“Oh… Jason,” Dick said, less than enthused, “he comes with a lot of baggage.”

“And you don’t?”

“Touché.”

“Well, I’m gonna head off now,” Rose laughed. “No more psycho stalkers, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” he said with a smile. “No more letting creepy guys buy you drinks.”

“I let you buy me drinks.”

He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “Please take care of yourself, Rose.”

She looked up at him and nodded. “I will, I promise… Deathwing.”

“Okay, now get the hell out of my city and stop calling me that.”

As he watched her go, he realized he finally understood. Understood why Catalina, a self-centered, ego-driven narcissist wanted to be a hero. It had nothing to do with helping humanity, or even making one life better. She had no need for that, it was all about power. Everything she did, every move she made was self-serving or a display of dominance. Killing Blockbuster, that was simply her playing God, forcing herself on Dick; that was taking what she wanted, but couldn’t have, and she’d just reminded him of that. She couldn’t leave him until she’d had the last word, till she’d sunk her fangs in him one last time and poisoned him. She just had to take away his power. Well, not anymore. She wanted to act like an insect, he’d just have to crush her like one.

* * *

She waited, a glass of wine in her hand. She took as sip and looked down at her phone, recollecting the call she’d received. She was a bit shaken when she heard his voice, her heart teetering on its tipping point. He told her he was too rash, that he let his anger get the better of him, but he was ready to talk now. Ready to hear what she had to say. That he couldn’t _wait._ She’d smiled at that, she knew he’d come around, he always did.

Without a second thought, she gave him her address and invited him over, telling him she would make it all better and left him with that.

She took another sip, her anticipation pumping through her veins, the heat of the wine mingling with her blood. She’d been waiting an hour that felt like a decade, but that hour was nothing compared to the lifetime she’d spent waiting for him.

A knock rapped at the door, and her heart skipped a beat. Her breath hitched and she placed the glass down on the table and went to the door, taking a moment to check her makeup and fix her dress. She composed herself, taking a moment to quell her near giddiness. She finally opened the door, doing her best to display her most convincing bedroom eyes and found him in their fabled stare.

“Mi Tesoro,” she said, sickeningly sweet, “I knew you’d come.”

He smiled at her subtly. “You gonna invite me in?”

“Oh, of course, Mi Amor,” she said huskily, “you’re always welcome.”

She shifted out of his way and he stepped inside. He took a quick look around. Her apartment wasn’t big, but none of them were in that neighborhood. He should know—it was _his_ neighborhood, after all.  

“So tell me, darling,” she began, closing the door, the faint click of the lock following, “why the sudden change of heart?”

He looked over at her and shrugged nonchalantly. “You were right, I was just upset. I wasn’t being fair to you… _I’m sorry_.”

She smiled, flashing a hint of victory. “I forgive you,” she said, walking toward her prize. “Now why don’t you let me heal you, Mi Amor.” She placed her hands on his chest, a sinful look in her eye. “I promise, baby, I’m gonna take good care of you now.”

He brought his hands to her face and smiled, cradling it as she closed her eyes, leaning in to seal her prey’s fate. Only Dick had other plans.

His hand slid to the back of her neck and his face hardened to stone. His grip on her became cold and tight as he suddenly conjured an unnecessary amount of strength. Channeling every ounce of hatred, every violation, and every last bit of fear he held for her, he threw her, face first, into the high table beside them. She collided with the object with a violent force, the tempered glass surface cracking, and her wine glass shattering as it hit the ground. She collapsed to the floor, blood pouring from her nose and into her mouth. She lifted her head, her body still in shock, as a rough hand tangled itself in her hair and pulled her motionless body around to face him.

He knelt down, hovering over her with an infuriated look in his eyes. She tried to look away from him, but he gripped her jaw and forced her to stare in his direction. She was going to hear this, whether she wanted to or not.

“If you so much as cast a shadow in my fucking direction, I will finish this job,” he growled in a low voice. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re dead to me, Catalina—and I _never_ wanna see your fucking face again! Got it?!”

She whimpered a little and nodded, but refused to cry in front of him, as though she could keep some sense of dignity if she didn’t.

“Bitch,” he huffed in her face, a faint spray of saliva hitting her cheek with a hateful breath.

He released her heartlessly and got up, storming out of her apartment as quickly as he’d struck her. She heard the door slam shut, cutting the last tie left between them. She flinched at the sound, like it hurt, and began to cry. She was finally afraid of him; she didn’t have any power left to play. She had lost him, for good this time.

Dick threw on his hood, stepping out onto the street and into the cool night air. The wind had subsided and for the first time in a year, he felt his stomach calm. He didn’t feel the need to look over his shoulder anymore. The bleeding in his chest had finally quelled.

He couldn’t change what had happened to him, and he couldn’t change what happened in the wake of  it all. But he could change who he became as a result of it all. He knew he wouldn’t be cured overnight, but he knew, in time, he’d be fine again. He could move on now. He could finally breach the surface and breathe—he could _live._ And for that, he could find enough strength to embrace the tomorrows and move out of the yesterdays.

The air somehow smelled sweeter—cleaner, even. Like the smoke had lifted, and the fires burned out, no longer hindering his senses. He could see beyond the rubble to a path beyond the ruins. He took a deep breath, taking the cold air in like it was the first time he’d ever done so.

_Clarity,_ he thought, feeling the ground beneath his feet, the world indeed still there. He wasn’t afraid anymore. He wasn’t waiting for some unspeakable thing to pull him into its undertaking. No. For the first time in so long he was free of her, from her hold, from her presence, from her memory. He couldn’t taste her anymore.


End file.
